im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
