I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
