i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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