Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
