I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
