remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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