I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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