can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
