did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
