went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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