I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
