Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
