He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
