If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
