She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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