In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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