dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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