College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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