I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
