I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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