Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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