did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
