there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
