so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
