On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
