Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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