Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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