Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
