Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
