Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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