The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
