It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
