the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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