No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
