Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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