Sry I called you an 8
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
