I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
