Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Boobs speak an international language.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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