thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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