i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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