Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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