just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
