marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm having to shit out rocks
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
