...so i touched it.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
