so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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