I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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