You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
