so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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