operation harelip BJ is a go
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
