why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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