I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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