Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
